I know I've felt this way before, and unfortunately, I'll feel this way again someday. I just never thought that I would feel like a failure in just about every area of my life tonight. And it was all of a sudden, too. In the last five hours I've yelled at my kids, gotten upset with Ms. Daisy, not gotten the house to look as nice as I'd like, and didn't feel desired in the bedroom by my husband.
How could I have messed up so badly tonight?
Times like these and I doubt. Maybe I'm not meant to stay home. Maybe this is God's way of telling me no. But I can't see any other way for my children to be cared for (even if it's poorly at times) unless I stay home.
I've got that lump in my throat. The one that will only go away after a good hard cry, but it's in the middle of the night and I can't have a good hard cry or I'll wake everyone up. I cleaned up the kitchen, set up my husband's coffee for the morning, and am currently making granola instead of crying my eyes out.
King Midas had the touch of gold.. I've got the touch of mush tonight.
Oh God, I'm counting on those mercies being new every morning.
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In the spring of 1998, I was diagnosed with a pituitary adenoma or pituitary tumor. This tumor was a gift from God to get my attention. Let me just say, "Speak, for Thy servant heareth."
