Momma Has Had Enough

I love the skit that Mark Lowry does when he talks about how his mom had had enough.

I have definably had enough. I want to blame it on hormones, the kids acting up, just about anything then what I know is the problem.. . .I haven't been in God's word. I haven't been allowing Him to direct my feet and light my paths.

I'm ultra frustrated tonight. And yes, it is hormones (ahh.. that curse) and it is a kiddo (actually only one at the moment) that is acting up. If I was allowing God to direct me, though, I don't think I would be as moody about it. At least I hope not.

So, for now I'm going to get my little princess to bed as quickly as possible, tuck my prince in shortly after that, brew some coffee, finish wrapping a couple presents, and listen to my Lord speak to me. I only hope that I listen to break the cycle of this week's mood I've been in.. . .

Crash Landing

I behaved my self "unseemingly" as I Corinthians 13 says love doesn't do on Sunday. I was upset because I looked bad and my son saw me that way. I let my pride get in the way. I should not have said anything to anyone, I should have gone home and just forgotten the whole thing. . .but I didn't. I can't take anything back, no matter how hard I try.

Today I tried to apologize to the adult whom I hurt on Sunday, but they stated that they didn't want to talk to me anymore about it unless there were "witnesses" with them.

The news hit me like a brick, took all the wind out of me, and shocked me. . .however you want to put it.

Last year I had a rotten attitude while I was teaching the Bible lessons to the children in our church. I prayed for God to take me out of the ministry. I shouldn't have been having that attitude and still trying to muddle through God's truth. But, God kept me in. Now I feel as though He's leading me out, but I wonder if I'll be thrown out. It hurts me, but I know it's my pride. God changed my heart towards serving the children's ministry.

Now I have this meeting to go to, when I have no idea, and I don't know what to think of it.

God is God and He is in control. My flesh says, "Hey, I've had a change of heart, don't pull me out!" But I know that all things work together for good, for His good. God is faithful.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28

Who's Up for Another Roller-Coaster Ride?

What an emotionally challenging weekend.. and nothing had to do with Thanksgiving!

Yesterday Ms. Daisy hogged the tv all day and refused to let anyone watch it. Funny, but the last time I checked, MY name was on the cable bill and MY name is on this house. Without throwing her too much to the "dogs" I'll just say that I can't wait until her house is sold (it's not even on the market yet.. ahem, Morbid Man).

Today my day was much better - until. . . Someone broke my son's heart. One simple small action almost ruined him for the day. I tried to get him to calm down, but in the process I started crying too. It wasn't someone trying to be mean, it was someone that I know would never intentionally hurt my son. They told him he couldn't have something he really wanted because I hadn't paid for it yet. This was true, but I didn't know I had to pre-pay. We had originally agreed that I would pay at the first of the month and the last time I checked it's not December yet. I did speak to this person (an adult) that hurt my son, but I know I did not handle the situation well. I wanted to scream, yell, shake her and ask her, "What were you thinking!?" Instead I tried my hardest to fight back the tears and urge to yell, but I know we're not done with the conversation. I'm going to have to go into the church office and pay. . .and they'll probably be there.

I heard someone joke once that "the ministry" would be so much easier if you didn't have to deal with people. But that's why God made us all so different and put us in situations together.

I only pray that I handle things with Ms. Daisy and this lady in the way that God wants me to.

Take a deep breath..

now let it out. Feels good, doesn't it? Why do we rob our bodies of something they need; like, exercise. I've been attending a local workout gym and I feel amazing. I joined to try to loose some weight. Instead I've gained a little, but I've also gained much more. I'm pushing myself (with help from a friend) and have muscles in my arms and legs that are more defined. I'm trying to make wiser decisions with my eating. . . and not feeling like I'm hungry or I "can't" eat anything.
It's crazy, but why do we have to become unhealthy to see the benefits of being healthy?

I think it's the same way in our walk with God. Things go well, we don't pay that much attention. But God wants us to GROW. He doesn't want us to stay the same. . .ever. It doesn't matter if we think we're closer to God than "that" woman/man, He cares how we're growing.

If you claim to be one of Christ's. . .how's your walk? Are you growing closer? Where are your feet heading? What is God done in your life today? Not last week, last month, last year, last decade - today.

Old Dogs, New Tricks?

Ever find yourself in a routine? Even with my family of two kiddos and a husband we have a semi-routine.
How about those habits you do, and don't even know why? I know I've got those too.

Ms. Daisy and my Knight got onto a pretty big mountain today and decided to battle. Sort of a nice way to say my Knight got upset and finally "drew the line", so to speak.

I wish it was easy for people to change, but it's not. It's hard for me to change. God's so faithful to keep trying, even though He knows what I will do before He tries. And when I mess it up, He still keeps trying. I gotta ask my princess' favorite question, "Why?"

Because of my favorite verse. It's my favorite verse because it gives me hope that God is not done with me. . . .despite how much I fight Him at times.
It's Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ".

Hope. He's not going to quit on me until I am like Him.

People are people. We are all sinners who try to look nice and clean up the outside to look good for others. What we need to worry about is how God sees us.

If you are one of His children, He has begun a very good work in you, and He's going to finish it - no matter what.

Ms. Daisy Woes

I had an idea. An idea that I don't think I thought through very well. Ms. Daisy is trying to sell her house so she can go into an assisted living facility. Her choice, and it's a very good idea for her. My idea was to offer our home (and the home of "Morbid Man" - he hunts, that's where he got his nickname) to her to live for short periods of time until her house sells.

We've had her for three weeks, got a month break (she was at Morbid Man's house) and then we have her currently another month.

Throughout the times she has spent with us, we've had some rather crazy moments. I guess the reason for the dumping today is that I really, really, really, really am tired of my stuff being taken.
My recliner has been taken over by Ms. Daisy and her fur ball. That's where they sit. . . all day long. Then, my favorite travel cups get taken, my leftovers I had laid out for myself. . . the list is long.
Recently, the biggest issue is my food. (I know it's petty, I know it's wrong, but this blog is about me venting, therapeutic, remember?)

I'm trying to loose weight, exercising, getting healthy, etc. The past two times I'm getting out something healthy for me to eat, guess who comes over and wants some as well? Ms. Daisy.
I have two kids who beg, borrow, and steal all my stuff as it is; and perhaps this is why it bothers me so greatly that she does the same thing.

Today I got out the last bit of celery so I could finish it off with a little peanut butter. Ms. Daisy came over and muttered, "I think that sounds good, I will have some too."
I did what I recently decided to do, give it to her and find something else to eat. So I did .. but it still bothers me.

I have struggled so greatly in this area of just giving up and letting go of stuff. I know it's just stuff. I know that God gives it freely to me and doesn't sigh if I take the last little bit and ask for more. I know how I'm supposed to act, I just don't for some reason. I really, really, really, REALLY believe that the reason all this is happening is so God can mold me. I keep going through things and then waiting for the next great big thing that God is going to do in my life. I haven't seen that "big" thing. I know His ways are not my ways and I know what I may thing is something small can really grow to be big... I just want the eyes to see and recognize when it happens. So, here I sit, waiting for God to move and He's waiting for me to get it.

This world is not about me. It's not about what I want. It's about what HE wants. God is a great big God, but He's not too big to love me and number the hairs on my head.. . .And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that He doesn't give up on me. He doesn't pout when I complain He's not giving me what I want. He doesn't throw a fit when I don't say thank you. He doesn't mutter under his breath.

The reason that I'm not saved and immediately ushered into heaven is so I can be more like Him. The more I let go and let Him take over, the more I'll radiate His glory and others will see Him. The more I will be more like His image and not my own the better off I'll be.

Besides, He made manna fall from heaven.. surely he can provide a little celery and peanut butter.

Long time, no blog

I keep thinking, "Man, it's been a LONG time since I blogged." Then I forget.

Sometimes I walk with God that way. I talk to him all the time, but I don't really spend quality time with him as much as I know I need to. When things seem to be going really good, I forget. I forget He's holding me, lifting me up, waiting for me to spend time with Him.

Lots of people can say they know who God is, but how many of us truly know God?

My children don't care how much I clean their clothes or wash their little bodies. They want me to sit on the floor and play games, jump in the leaf piles, chase them around the house, tickle fight.. . . quality time.

I'm gonna go have some. . .