Costs Too Much

I had such a great day today.. until tonight.

My husband has a crazy schedule, but tonight he was actually home at a decent time.. then had to go to bed early because of his nuts schedule tomorrow.

I got so mad at myself for not having his dinner more prepared. I just ran out of time. I even left part of it out on the stove while we were gone tonight.

I feel so alone sometimes. Like I'm the only one in the whole wide world who is a stay at home/work at home mom trying to juggle everything on my own while my husband is gone at work for 10-12 hours a day.

I finally think I found somewhere where I could get direction tonight, only to find out it costs too much. I think that's when my bad mood really started. I realized it was going to cost too much to finally feel as though I could get some help. Not feel so alone. Share with others what's going on and feel like they actually cared and wanted to help.

I have a friend who I don't see or spend time with until I ask for her help so I can lean on her. She is a wise woman and loves God so much. I'm in awe of how much she has grown in the last few years in her walk with the Lord.

She told me that I'm not alone. She reminded me how much God promises that He'll be with me, is with me, no matter what. I know that I know that. My problem is, when I'm really down I want something physical to lean on. I do trust God, believe that He is holding me (trust me, it could be worse), know that He's there.

I wanted a support group, I guess. Which sounds really petty and stupid, but I did.. . .I do.

Tonight I went to a "workshop" where a woman (who we'll call coach, since she's a goals coach) helps those who are in the workshop learn what it means to be a wise woman (God's wisdom) and how to thrive in being a wise woman.

Coach was awesome tonight. I really want to go again, but it is $50 a month (cannot afford that) and it goes until 8 at night. Which the time doesn't sound long, but I've got two kiddos. By the time I picked them up from the babysitter and left "town" it was 9pm. They go to bed at 9pm. Then I had to drive another 20 minutes to get home, throw my son in the shower, feed the dogs (still dog sitting), oh.. and then my husband tells me how hungry he is.

It costs to much, and I'm really sad about it. I thought that writing all of this down would help me, but it just makes my heart feel heavy.