Obedience

God has shown me a lot about how I need to take care of my home better (mainly the people in it). I praise Him for that.

I am nervous, scared, and hopeful.

I joined a educational toy company when I first started staying home because I knew that money we are using so I can stay home is supposed to run out eventually. That didn't work out.. made no money!

Then, about a year ago, I found another company. One that I LOVE (I liked the other one too.. just expensive to do as a business). I joined for many reasons, but mainly because I can set my own hours and schedule. The problem was, I didn't do so good starting out. I was "setting appointments" and "doing presentations", all the while my children are craving mommy's attention. I quickly regrouped and decided that "pushing it" wasn't going to work for me. Things were slow until someone that I used to know in the corporate world came knocking at my door (literally). They were giving out insurance info and told me about this great networking group they joined. I thought.. bingo! That's a way I can meet new people. It's only once a week, cheap to join.. I'm in! It sucked time out of my schedule quickly. There was always one more networking meeting, one more thing I needed to do to "succeed". My son is having a hard time at school, I have tons of unfinished projects (and things I want to start) at home, and I feel like I have no time to sit down with someone and have coffee for goodness sake.

I've wasted my time. I've wasted my time that I was supposed to be taking care of my home. In humanistic standards, I only have a little over a year until the money is due to run out. I decided to stop pursuing my own business and get back to the business that I should have been doing all along. . .being the keeper of my home. So, for the next year and a half (and God willing, longer) I am going to try to be the best keeper of my home. I'm not sure what that looks like, but I'm confident God will give me guidance the more I let go of my ego and what I want.

I'm still scared. This is big for me.. huge! I've already had someone say, "Oh good, you'll have more time to come over and do ______ with me." Not until I feel as though I can leave my house and not wish I had gotten some things done around here. I have to remember to say NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.. oh I hope I remember.. . .